


For Lilith

by Kou (Rietto)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:17:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19742692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rietto/pseuds/Kou
Summary: Crowley didn't mean to be a demon, but he was always meant to fall.It's what he's made for.





	1. Chapter 1

It started in a garden, as it would end thousands of years in the future.

Seeing as the story is about the Armageddon, a war planned by the angels and demons, the story started long before humanity. Before there were Adam and Eve, in fact.

Demons aren’t beings made by God, at least they weren't made as such from the start. Instead, they're angels who decided to say ‘fuck-it’ and became whole new species. It’s like choice Revolution, and that’s what happened. A revolution.

By definition, it happened so quickly.

It all started when God created humans. A pair of them, and they were placed in the Garden.

And then, it all went down like lead balloon.

* * *

There was an angel whose duty was to heal the humans.

He only asked one question.

“Where is she?!”

Next thing he knew, he’s falling into a pool of boiling sulfur.

* * *

The girl had hugged him, sobbed so loudly. Humans were such pure beings then, there’s bliss in obliviousness. But, that’s why she was so confused. There were people who told her to do things she didn’t want to do, and she was so scared and confused when she was chased away just because she said ‘ _no’_.

Many went to her side and tried to soothe her.

Many were enraged when they found in her stead, another had come into being.

That’s the start, really.

‘ _Raphael, they will be hurt, and you will heal them_ ,’ God had said, and so Raphael returned the girl’s tight embrace and whispered that it’d all be alright. Healing wasn’t always about the body. Calming down the mind was also his duty. He kept at it until she fell asleep in his arms, still plagued by what just happened to truly be at peace.

He was only doing what he was made to do as if God had foreseen it. Of course, She must have, obviously. God was kind as much as She was secretive. It’s a trial on the Angels, Raphael reckoned.

It must be.

That’s why, he wasn’t surprised that there’s already another girl in Eden, the one who didn’t refuse to bond with Adam.

Everyone else though, in anger, they began to change.

They cursed Heaven and humanity, couldn’t forgive them all for forsaking one of God’s creation made in Her image.

Raphael blamed the sulfur. The fume and all. They could do things to one’s mind.

He was angry too, admittedly.

He’d cared for the humans and was understandably pissed when a pretentious prick decided to force his own moronic interpretation of God’s gospel unto this poor unknowing girl. In his anger, he too changed. But it wasn’t as pronounced as the others. Raphael was a healer, and he could never want to harm anybody. It’s just not in his nature.

It’s not her fault.

It’s not Adam’s fault either. It’s not like he forced himself unto her.

Apparently, it’s enough to deform him, the sweet nothings he whispered split his tongue while his desire to just cool her fever changed his nature. In the darkness, his eyes adjusted and wouldn’t turn back.

Lucifer went to him, demanded him to join his cause, and told him to cause some trouble Upstairs, and he obliged just to appease him.

He just wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again.

There’s an apple tree in the middle of Eden.

“Did you know? There’s another before you, made from God’s image Herself. She did something wrong, or so Gabriel said. Scary fellow, Gabriel. Chased her away, he did!”

Eve, pure and blissfully ignorant Eve, smiled at him and asked, “what is ‘ _wrong’_?”

Raphael pointed to the tree with his tail, smiling at the poor girl. She thanked him and bounced happily to the tree, eager to learn. She wanted to know so that she could stay and not make Gabriel angry. So that she could help Adam.

And then, it went down like lead balloon.

* * *

Aziraphale’s eyes were questioning. He knew who he was, obviously. He was one of few Fallen who hadn’t changed that much. Just new set of eyes and new ability to turn into a snake. Surely part of his job description was to report unwanted beings in the Garden, and Raphael supposed he’d become one of those very beings.

He wondered if Michael instructed the Principality by giving them a list on who to watch out for. It’d be so much like her if that was so. Wondered if his name was on it.

“Crawly,” he told Principality of Eastern Gate, and everyone above was none the wiser. Raphael the Fallen never went to Eden, as far as they were concerned. An unknown demon did, someone not worth any attention.

They knew nothing. Not Gabriel, Michael, Uriel... not anyone.

About Adam and Eve gaining knowledge.

About Adam and Eve escaping Eden, anxious after they found out about Lilith. About Adam wielding a sword designed to be able to scorch Angels.

Well, at least not until the sky cleared up.

That part about the sword surprised him, honestly. He didn't think someone from the other side would help them without convincing. 

“… how’s she?”

“Good, relatively speaking. She’d stopped crying at least.”

She’s waiting in a cave not far from Eden, ready to help her fellow humans. Brother and sister, she called them. Just as she’d sobbed to Crawly’s chest that _his_ brothers and sisters were all scary. Angels had no concept of siblings, and neither should humans yet, but he supposed it’s harmless.

Though he'd rather not be seen as related to Gabriel, the douche. Lucifer too, was getting more and more unhinged everyday. 

“Good. That’s… that’s good. Yes, quite.”

Rain started to fall, and even though he was no longer his superior, Aziraphale still attempted to shield him. From other corners of Eden, sounds of battle could be heard.


	2. Chapter 2

The thing about Lilith was that even though she’d refused to procreate with Adam, it’s not like she was against procreating itself.

It’s just that it sounded so dreadfully painful. And Gabriel was just too pushy for comfort.

After Eden, Eve’s cries during childbirth didn’t help too.

(By the way, Crowley knew how to help with delivery. Comes with his role as the healer, as if the baby is some sort of parasite. Didn’t enjoy it at all.)

Perhaps with proper motivation and enough time, she’d be able to be convinced. Crowley thought so thousands of years ago. Well, after that, he found out about the darned Great Plan and wished with all his being that she’d stopped refusing.

And then, she ended up marrying Satan of all people.

His fear was proven to be true.

“Still a demon then?”

_Hasn’t she end up in Hell now?_

That’s right. After Christ was born, Lilith went to Hell on her own accord. She had no more need of Crowley, hadn’t been for a long while actually. She wouldn’t admit it, but she’d stopped being humans. Full-fledged demon capable of performing blasphemy now, since few decades before the Flood.

Raphael fell to save her.

Now that she’d chosen to stay in Hell, there’s no need for Raphael to stay on Earth.

Now that she’d become a demon, there’s no need for Raphael to follow her to Hell.

He could regain his place, Crowley thought. It’s not like he’d done anything particularly demonic. It’s mostly him taking credit for all the horrible things humans thought up to throw the demons off his scent, and also messing with the angels by fixing all the mistakes they did but insisted to be according to God’s will.

There’s that mess with Abraham’s family, like smoothing over the revelation that the first wife would be pregnant in her age while helping with the delivery (again, he didn’t enjoy very much) because she’s elderly and honestly, even indigestion could kill her at that age, let alone birthing process.

Then there’s that unfortunate state of supposed Progenitor of Kingdoms’ most important asset.

Then that cringe-worthy incident with him wanting to _give his son to God by killing him in the altar_.

That was a fun one.

And that was only with his first wife.

Beside Abraham, he’d also helped with that poor Lady Sarah in Media. Her father had been very understanding with her unique body, but not her husbands. Crowley had killed them all before they could land a hand on her until Lilith came by and told him to search for proper husband while she cared for the lady.

Enter Tobias.

Good kid.

Poor dad.

(Apparently, Satan had started courting Lilith since her becoming a demon and she’d told Lady Sarah of that as means of passing time. When everyone realized it, there’s a higher demon which didn’t really exist commended for the murder of Lady Sarah’s husbands. Hell mainly decided it to be Lilith’s accomplishment, despite her insisting it to be Crowley’s.)

With all that he’d done, what he’d been credited to, it should be relatively easy to transfer office. It’s not like those in Hell ever liked him, with him not as deformed and still retaining God’s Grace. Lilith loved him like a child would their nanny, but no one else, really.

Well, Gabriel would surely object to his return though, the same way he refused Adam and Eve’s re-entry to Heaven.

Also, he’s a bit conflicted himself.

He didn’t think he could remember the last time he agreed to Heaven’s will. That’s why he decided to not use the name Raphael again while deeming the name he decided on the spot to avoid being reported back in Eden was really inadequate. He thought he’d already made up his mind about staying a demon, but it’s not so if even a wedding could make him that irritable.

Angry more at himself, he snapped at the angel. But Aziraphale was as understanding as ever.

“So, Crowley. I didn’t realize you… Uhh… drink? Or eat, as a matter of fact.”

Yeah.

Not just oysters, Crowley could be said never eaten just about everything.

An archangel was generally devoid of any wants, and after becoming a demon Crowley the urges to satisfy his needs were barely present. One taste of oysters too, his reaction could be best summed with ‘ _meh’_. Not bad, but not really his taste either. It’s not like he hated it, but he wouldn’t actively look out for it either. In fact, Crowley’s thought towards most kinds of food was exactly that.

Aziraphale liked to think it’s due to God’s lingering Grace in Crowley’s core, but whatever.

And then, there’s alcohol.

Crowly absolutely loved alcohol, and as it turned out, it was thanks to Christ himself.

Crowley’s newfound love of the drink started when he met up with Jeshua a few years prior. He’d given him a glass, as thanks for showing him the kingdoms of the world. It was acceptable, and the feeling of losing a bit of his sanity after chugging two bottles was admittedly pleasurable. Rather the taste, he was particularly fond of the detached feeling when he’d gone drunk.

The news of Lilith accepting Satan’s proposal was particularly hard on him, and it could be said that it’s thanks to alcohol that he could get by the first-century anno domini.

There’s little doubt that her child would be the Anti-Christ. It’s somewhat fitting, really. Demons wanted children of Eve to die and crowning the child of Lilith as their prince was the obvious ‘ _fuck-you_ ’ to those Upstairs.

Anti-Christ, that was to say, would be the exact opposite of what Christ was.

Christ was that of the holy spirit, Heaven Incarnate. Safe to say Anti-Christ would be expected to be Hell Incarnate.

Jeshua saved people, taking people’s pain to him so that everyone else wouldn’t have to.

The Anti-Christ would then, by contrast…

Crowley chugged his liquor. It’s the very reason he chased after Lilith, not realizing until he looked at his reflection that he’d Fallen. She was in pain and was crying. God had told him, “ _they will be in pain, and you will heal them”._

If God seriously expected him to fix the whole mankind after Armageddon, then Crowley would very much like to refuse, no thank you and all that, as his purpose was already fulfilled with Lilith.

Besides, how many people were there already on Earth? Millions? Billions? Ugh. It’s bad enough when it’s according to Heaven’s will, and thus he could justify it all with going against them and with ‘ _Lilith wanted it this way_ ’, it’d be worse when it’s the whole Demon’s plans.

Both Heaven and Hell would not tolerate in that case. Nevermind the death and pain inflicted on humankind.

They’re both thirsty of each other’s blood and wouldn’t accept anything other than all-out war.

“The guy, Jeshua… Oh, Jeshua. Yeah, good man. Healed a ton. Revived someone, which should be banned in many universes, but great. I’m on to you God! You’re off to some planet to make a community of green duck people. The best creation, ducks. Smart and strong and vicious… and green!”

Crowley found out around that century that yelling out his feeling was very liberating and thus good for his mentality.

“I’m quite sure ducks are not green, Crowley.”

“Well, they should be. Hard to feel hungry when you can just photosynthesize. Did you know that they flock together?”

Aziraphale seemed confused for a second but apparently also conceded that it was a good idea.

(Centuries later, a certain Newton would claim that he saw an alien, which was a green woman with duck-like features. Crowley would comment that green ducks sounded sensible)

“Anti-Christ, if he’s really the contrast of Christ, would be born from a virgin. If you really not like it, you could perhaps… tempt her? Keep the mother-to-be from staying celibate? That is one of your jobs, isn’t it? Sanctity of marriage be damned, as they say?”

“Nah. Not possible.”

“Why is that so? You’re very charming, I assure you.”

That’s not the problem.

Apparently, the Heaven hadn’t heard about Satan and Lilith’s wedding, and thus didn’t realize that the most probable couple to conceive the Anti-Christ was already united, approximately two thousand years before the predicted end of the world.

Aziraphale caught on quickly though. Yeah, if it’s Lilith, it wouldn’t be surprising if she chose to remain celibate even after her wedding to Satan. Virgin birth it’ll be, most likely. Even though she’s a demon now, she still identified as human and most of the time that’s what count the most.

As for attempting to thwart Armageddon by tempting Lilith out her celibacy… saying it hard would be understatement.

It’s been three thousand years and the one person that managed to charm her was Satan, one of the immortals. It’s not likely that any humans would be able to live that long, even if Satan would let her be seduced.

And with her being Satan’s consort, none of the demons would even think to want to court her.

She’s _Lilith_ anyway. Most demons saw her as a child that had to be protected, a thrown-away treasure, symbol of their enemy Heaven’s bigotry.

As for the angels…

Yeah, not one would even be capable of love, Crowley reckoned.

He glanced at the one angel he was still talking to after falling, seeing him happily stuffing his mouth with oysters. Yeah, by some miracle this one angel decided to screw it and satisfy his urges, which would be seen as sin and impurity by the normal heavenly standard.

Seven cardinal sins and the ones Aziraphale seemingly couldn’t resist the most were gluttony and greed, judging from his new eating habit and ever-increasing collection of scrolls. Greediness over knowledge, dangerous thing, that.

Vanity too, perhaps, but then again Crowley figured it’s shared trait over everyone. Angels, demons… very vain, the whole lot of them.

Sadly, not one ounce of lust in this one.

“Well… I suppose… You’d have to think of something, wouldn’t it?”

Aziraphale continued on eating. It hurt a bit, admittedly, but it’s as expected of an angel, really. They were on opposite sides now. Had been since the beginning, he supposed. Still firm on Heaven's side, he was. 

Crowley chugged more of his liquor.


End file.
